Vincent Volaju's Poetry Archive.

[Vicious]

:angry:

Ah ah ah, now before you all get started I want you all to know that this is not an attempt to make a single thread for poetry, but if you want to share your poems here go ahead!

First up will be my personal favorite and perhaps the best poem I've made, It's made quite a few people cry, I'll post the rest when I feel like it.

~Underneath A Clear Blue Sky~

A child plays with a little pink ball
Bouncing up before its fall
Excitement seen gleaming in her eyes
As she watches her ball bounce up so high

Her little ball oh so round
Playing with it without a sound
When it rolls away with a start
So shall she follow with all her heart

Onto the pavement both should go
Unaware of the approaching foe
Trying to swerve it gives off a shrill shriek
While the mother feels her legs grow frail and weak

Noticing her daughter too little too late
Death had already planted its bait
Legs carrying her as fast as they can
So towards the street she ran

When she hears her child's laughter
She could only weep all the faster
Holding her daughter in a sweet embrace
As teardrops stream down her face

With her so sad her daughter begins to cry
Underneath a clear blue sky
A mother soothes her crying daughter as she wept
For the life of her little girl had been kept.

[Johnny]

http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/6157/lol4.gif
No words


should have sent a goddamned poet

[Spoon 8787]

No words

should have sent a goddamned poet

We did Johnny, we did.

[Sanjiyan]

http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h203/ExtantSanjiyan/1250126171622.jpg

That, uh.. That sure is a poem.

[Johnny]

More

post more

I loved it.

[Sanjiyan]

Really, it's not that this is bad per-se, especially seeing as with things like poetry a lot is down to personal taste. It's.. It's just not that good, either. It's a little generic and I saw the 'twist' (was it supposed to be a twist, or was it just played straight?) coming from the start of the second paragraph.
Also, I really doubt this has ever made anyone cry. It's not exactly heartwrenching in my opinion, but then maybe I'm just jaded.

[The Bear Burrito]

http://img174.imageshack.us/img174/7456/sarcasticclap5ttug8.gif

[Beastly Mangina]

Is Tite Kubo your idol?

[Circutron]

it's metaphorical for aids fucking

[Vicious]

More

post more

I loved it.

Ask and you shall receive here are two more.:thumbsup:

~I'd rather it were my Heart Ablaze~

Yesterday, just yesterday
My heart I could not find
Searching low and high, but where it lay
Would not come to cross my mind

I had misplaced my soul
My soul! The heart the door
Entrance to me denied, my goal
Emotions once felt, no more.

Purposely did I hide it,
Not wanting it to be found
The peach now just the pit
The beating once, no sound

Cold... unberable cold
Not of the flesh, only skin deep
Oh the hearth I long once more to hold
But nothing to kindle, no place to keep

Finally found, frozen to the core
The lump that fell my gaze
A chill memory of the winter before
Yes, I'd rather it were my heart ablaze.


~Fox~

You're like a fox to me
giving me the peace I for so long had sought
oh but what more you willingly brought
cutting these ropes did you set me free

did you not hunt me like a fox
always curious, playful, and cute
never wavering in your pursuit
tracking my scent as if it were lylocks

like a fox were you not wild?
doing the craziest things to make me smile
but doing so with the grace of your style
and happy were you when I smiled

how could you not be this?
the desire that I could see in you
was the very same for I could feel it too
whenever we embraced, or would kiss

my heart always skipped a beat
for it was all I would need
to follow in love's sacred creed
or to love you ever so sweet

so it is true a fox you are
there is nothing else for you to describe
your ways, your actions, or your vibe
that seem to me so familiar yet so bizarre

but I hope that unlike a fox you'll stay
that you'll find in me what I see in you
so instead of one fox there'll be two
then maybe I'll never be alone in the day

but it's awful when you are not by my side
I feel cold and all alone
without the warmth of your soft tone
to soothe me if in anxiety I had cried

you are my little fox, can I be yours?
to give to you unconditional love
so a piece of my heart you can be part of
if together we live the rest of our years

Please stay with me here,
so I can give to you what you've given me
for when i'm with you I have nothing to fear
but the fear of losing you

Is Tite Kubo your idol?
Who?

[The Bear Burrito]

Ask and you shall receive here are two more.:thumbsup:

http://i30.tinypic.com/vhqgt4.gif

[The Ultimate Doughnut]

http://i31.tinypic.com/2dvv41w.gif

oh and i'm with sanji on this

[Vicious]

http://i30.tinypic.com/vhqgt4.gif

I'm afraid I don't see the relevance.

[The Bear Burrito]

johnny is the guy, you're the staypuff marshmellow man, city is the forum

[Vicious]

johnny is the guy, you're the staypuff marshmellow man, city is the forum
o_o

I'll just take it as a compliment.

[Gado]

cheese is freeze

niggers be all up on deez

nuts

A-

[dordreff]

Yeah, Sanji's right, these are pretty generic. Not the worst thing ever, but it's basically what you'd get from a robot if you told it to write "heartrending poetry".
ps poems do not need to rhyme, try mixing it up a little.

[Vicious]

Yeah, Sanji's right, these are pretty generic. Not the worst thing ever, but it's basically what you'd get from a robot if you told it to write "heartrending poetry".
ps poems do not need to rhyme, try mixing it up a little.

Maybe you're the robots? :wtf:

Dese are not all meh poems.

[The Ultimate Doughnut]

Maybe you're the robots? :wtf:

Dese are not all meh poems.

So you're plagiarizing?

[Micolithe]

You know

with poems less is more

You don't have to explicitly explain EVERY idea in the poem. The idea is to make your audience think.

[Vicious]

So you're plagiarizing?

I meant I have more.:fanboy:

[Benjurafu]

I only have ever liked the jabberwock poem so I'm no expert.
But :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy:



I hope you enjoy your stay at vgc. :L

[Vicious]

I only have ever liked the jabberwock poem so I'm no expert.
But :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy: :fanboy:



I hope you enjoy your stay at vgc. :L


Jabberwock?o_o

[Androc]

If you're going to do structured poetry, it means more than just having an ABAB/AABB/ABBA whatever-the-fuck rhyme scheme. Pay more attention to the number of syllables per line, and ESPECIALLY to rhythm. Read it out loud, thinking very carefully about which syllables are stressed or unstressed. As it stands, your work just doesn't flow naturally at all.

More importantly, as was stated earlier, you're just laying everything out bluntly. I'd suggest reading up on some of Poe and Robert Frost's work; look at what they're trying to convey, then think carefully about how they convey it. I'd also recommend The Highwayman, in particular, as a good example of what you seem to be going for.

[Circutron]

Highwayman owns, listen to this guy.

[Hospital Disaster]

anime man, please
post everywhere, always
you brighten the world

[Hospital Disaster]

there once was an anime man
of his poetry, few were a fan
on the forum he hitler hitler hitler hitler hitler hitle

[Hospital Disaster]

Sing, O goddess, the anger of Gohan son of
Goku, that brought countless ills upon the
Saiyans. Many a brave soul did it send
hurrying down to HFIL, and many a hero
did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so
were the counsels of King Kai fulfilled from the
day on which the son of Vegeta, prince of saiyans,
and great Goku, first fell out with one another.

[Hospital Disaster]

Naruto, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Na-roo-to: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Na. Roo. To.

He was Naruto, plain Naruto, in the morning, standing four feet twelve with a metal headband. He was Naruto in a neon orange jumpsuit. He was Naruto at school. He was Uzumaki on the dotted line. But in my arms he was always Naruto.

Did he have a precursor? He did, indeed he did. In point of fact, there might have been no Naruto at all had I not fought, one summer, a certain initial fox-demon. In a village by the forest. Oh wen? About as many years before Naruto was born as my age was the summer. You can always count on a Genin for a fancy prose style.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the Hokage, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged Hokage, envied. Look at this tangle of kunai.

[Leadfeather]

Masterful. A set of stunning compositions that never fails to bring a tear to the eye or a mirthful smile to the lips.

The budding poet laureate emerges from his chrysalis, ladies and gentlemen.

[Hospital Disaster]

riverrun, past Yoko and Kamina's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Teppelin Castle and Environs.
Sir Kittan, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passencore rearrived from North Rittanica on this side of the scraggy isthmus of Genber Minor to wielderfight his drillate war: nor had topsawyer's rocks by the stream Gattai exaggerated themselse to Nia County's gorgios while they went doublin their spiral enege all the time: nor avoice from afire bellowesed mishe mishe to tauftauf thuartpeatrick: not yet, though venissoon after, had a simonscad drillended a blank old Cytomander: not yet, though all's fair in vanessy, were soisie sesthers wrothwith twone kaminandsimon. Rot a peck of pa's malt had Gimmy or Darry brewed by arclight and rory end to the regginbrow was to be seen ringson on the Red Face.
the breaker (babaaalrohahoowroauwhodoyouthinkiamouwoapra) of a once wallstraight oldganmen is retaled early in bed and later in life down through all rossiu's minstrelsy. the great fall of the Spiral King entailed at such short notice the pftjschute of Simon, erse solid man, that the humptyhillhead of humself prumptly sends an unquiring one well to the west in quest of his tumptyglasses: and their upturnpikepointandplace is at the knock out in the park where hippograpes have been laid to rust upon the green since kittansfirst loved yoko

[Hospital Disaster]

the Gnostic Trinity of the Goddess as represented by the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya; Yuki as barrenness, Mikuru as fecundity, and Haruhi as a manifestation of the feminine wile

[Hospital Disaster]

Yeah
As a shorty playing in the front yard of stage 2
Fell down, and I bumped my head
Somebody helped me up and asked me if I bumped my head
I said "Yeah"
So then they said "Oh so that mean we gon, you gon switch it on em'?"
I said "Yeah, Cirno, Cirno is the strongest"
Knowing as a shorty, I was always told
That if I ain't gon' be part of the strongest
Eye gotta be the strongest myself

[Circutron]

Yeah
As a shorty playing in the front yard of stage 2
Fell down, and I bumped my head
Somebody helped me up and asked me if I bumped my head
I said "Yeah"
So then they said "Oh so that mean we gon, you gon switch it on em'?"
I said "Yeah, Cirno, Cirno is the strongest"
Knowing as a shorty, I was always told
That if I ain't gon' be part of the strongest
Eye gotta be the strongest myself

c'mon c'mon
yeah c'mon

[Hospital Disaster]

Oh, for a finger of fire that would ascend
The brightest heaven of invention!
A planet for a stage, fighters to act,
And nations to behold the swelling scene!
Then should the warlike Domon, like himself,
Assume the cockpit of God, and at his heels,
Leashed in like hounds, should love, anger and sorrow
Crouch for employment. But pardon, gentles all,
The flat unraisèd budget that hath dared
On this unworthy stage to bring forth
So great an object. Can this framerate show
The vasty fields of Neo-Tokyo? Or may we cram
Within this shoestring budget the very mechs
That did affright the air at Neo-NY?
O pardon, since an anatomically incorrect figure may
Attest in little place a million,
And let us, artists of this great account,
On your imaginary forces work.
Suppose within the girdle of these gundams
Are now confined two mighty fighters
Whose high erupting and burning fingers
The other fighter's mech parts asunder.
Piece out our lazy animation with your thoughts.
Into a thousand parts divide one man,
And make imaginary puissance.
Think, when we talk of horses, that you see them
Printing their proud hoofs inside of giant horse robots,
For ’tis your thoughts that now must deck our fighters,
Carry them here and there, jumping o'er logic

[Hospital Disaster]

We shall abolish the Dragon Balls. Capsule Corp is already at work upon it now. There will be no power, except loyalty towards Goku. There will be no love, except the love of Goku. There will be no laughter, except the laugh of triumph over a defeated enemy. There will be no art, no literature, no science. When we are SSJ4 there will be no need of science. There will be no distinction between beauty and ugliness. There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment of the process of life. All competing pleasures will be destroyed. But always—do not forget this Vegeta—always there will be the intoxication of power levels, constantly increasing and constantly growing shinier. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a kamehameha wave destroying a human face—forever.

He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the glowing spikey hair. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two senzu-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Goku.

[Isengrateman]

fukken genuos

[The Ultimate Doughnut]

I once knew a man from peru
Who ate nothing but his poo
He figured it was fudge
who are you to judge
the man who eats his own doo

[Vicious]

:angry:

This thread is for my poems and my poems only. If you want to share your poems make your own thread and stop being so lazy!


Ahem.

[The Bear Burrito]

Oh, we thought you were being sarcastic.

[Johnny]

Burrito, pinch me

I have to be sure this isn't a wonderful dream.

[Incognecron]

Little girl, in a field
Holding a flower
We zoom back
To find, she's in the desert
And the field's an oasis
Zoom back further
The desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel
Zoom back further
The hotel is actually a playground
Of the world's largest prison
But we zoom back further--

[Sanjiyan]

Jabberwock?o_o

http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h203/ExtantSanjiyan/1250790710618.jpg

Maybe you're the robots?

No. These are boring.

[dordreff]

Maybe you're the robots? :wtf:

Dese are not all meh poems.

I mean that it's pretty much calculated to have "emotion", so it has none at all. You're basically telling people "this should be sad" or "this should be happy" instead of actually trying to express the emotions.
Also, like some others have said, read GOOD poems, and examine how words, rhyme, meter, rhythm, and especially emotion are used in those. It will definitely help you to write good poetry if you understand poetry at all.

[Hospital Disaster]

don't listen to them. every post you make is poetry

[Sanjiyan]

This thread is now about China.

http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h203/ExtantSanjiyan/05a0e96023c92a58255e639bddfe76b52a3.jpg

[Johnny]

oh great touhou

[Hospital Disaster]

sanji what the hell are you doing

i... i saved this thread from the likes of you, you cretins, you philistines

i saw a thread with limitless potential, all it needed was a little spark

and now you want to smother it in your 4chan trash and your reaction pics and your infinite carelessness

[Sanjiyan]

sanji what the hell are you doing

i... i saved this thread from the likes of you, you cretins, you philistines

i saw a thread with limitless potential, all it needed was a little spark

and now you want to smother it in your 4chan trash and your reaction pics and your infinite carelessness

http://zam.krowzi.com/pics/2yo1ftj.gif

Don't look at me! I'm a monster!

[Spoon 8787]

don't listen to them. every post you make is poetry

Technically true!

[Vicious]

I mean that it's pretty much calculated to have "emotion", so it has none at all. You're basically telling people "this should be sad" or "this should be happy" instead of actually trying to express the emotions.
Also, like some others have said, read GOOD poems, and examine how words, rhyme, meter, rhythm, and especially emotion are used in those. It will definitely help you to write good poetry if you understand poetry at all.

You can criticize when I've seen your poems, if you've made no poems then you really can't tell me how poems should be. Of course I really don't want you to post poems in my thread.

[King]

http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/1455/ohsnap.png

[Sanjiyan]

You can criticize when I've seen your poems, if you've made no poems then you really can't tell me how poems should be. Of course I really don't want you to post poems in my thread.

wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

Using this logic, I could take a shit on a plate and then say "HEY DUDE I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU MAKE A SUNDAY ROAST SO YOU CAN'T CRITICIZE ME YOU FAG". It's just butthurt and stupid. If you can't handle criticism, you need to stop posting your poems in a public venue, because if your shit is terrible you had better believe I am going to let you know. Up to now, I have been relatively nice because I don't really give a shit either way, but if you honestly want to be a writer, there are things you need to learn. This is not just me being SOOOOO MEAN OMG U R TTLY JELUS, this is how writing, ANY form of writing, actually works. The only way you are going to improve is by having people rip the shit out of your work.

I'm guessing you're in your early teens (like I do with most people here), so get ready for it, because I'm about to drop a bombshell on you: Everything you write is shit. Everything you write is going to CONTINUE being shit until you are, if you are a truly excellent writer, somewhere in the region of 18-20. It is much more likely that you will not improve to a level where people can actually enjoy your work for several years after that point. This is how it is for everyone, myself included.

I have spent the last decade of my life practicing, writing and dissecting everything I can, and I am just now getting to the point where, occasionally, on a really good day.. I will manage to write something that I do not instantly loathe the sight of. Not completely, anyway. If that's too much effort for you, fine. Keep your poems to yourself and enjoy them with friends and family; just don't expect anyone else to give a flying fuck.

Bam. My Sake Not Even Drop.

[Micolithe]

You can criticize when I've seen your poems, if you've made no poems then you really can't tell me how poems should be. Of course I really don't want you to post poems in my thread.

Music critics typically aren't musicians
Book critics aren't authors
Movie critics aren't directors
Art critics aren't artists

You just can't handle criticism it seems.

[Johnny]

art critics are alot of times artists.

Because they understand art you see

then again he should probably listen to dord and sanji seeing as how they are both writers and both telling him he's not that good

because they've been writing for years, you see

[Micolithe]

Well obviously its not ALWAYS true i mean I know a dude who is a music critic who is a musician. He actually writes for Pitchfork occasionally. Considering he has a useless degree from a useless school he lucked out.

[Dr. Adcon]

You can criticize when I've seen your poems, if you've made no poems then you really can't tell me how poems should be. Of course I really don't want you to post poems in my thread.
You know, technically, it could be made into an open poem thread very easily.

[darkbadness]

Most foolish first post.
Dongs flapping in the wind while
we flock to mock it.

http://i26.tinypic.com/28a6ucl.gif

[Vicious]

You know, technically, it could be made into an open poem thread very easily.


Thought taken and applied. This is now an open poetry thread.:fanboy:

[Androc]

You can criticize when I've seen your poems, if you've made no poems then you really can't tell me how poems should be. Of course I really don't want you to post poems in my thread.

Actually, I'm pretty sure he can criticize them, their flaws are pretty basic. It doesn't take a fantastic actor to spot a bad one.

More importantly, if you can't take constructive criticism you have absolutely no potential as a writer. So, you know, you should probably either learn how to do that, get out while you still have a miniscule shred of dignity left, or you could just sort of hang around awkwardly while everyone mocks you some more.

[Circutron]

Actually, I'm pretty sure he can criticize them, their flaws are pretty basic. It doesn't take a fantastic actor to spot a bad one.

More importantly, if you can't take constructive criticism you have absolutely no potential as a writer. So, you know, you should probably either learn how to do that, get out while you still have a miniscule shred of dignity left, or you could just sort of hang around awkwardly while everyone mocks you some more.

This. Did you just start out? Because if so, be prepared. It takes a while before you start making good.

[dordreff]

You can criticize when I've seen your poems, if you've made no poems then you really can't tell me how poems should be. Of course I really don't want you to post poems in my thread.

Actually I can criticise when I've spent 3 years studying (among other works) poetry full time OH LOOK AT THAT, I HAVE.
Criticism is good you dumb fuck. If I was just saying, "This is terrible, go away," then I could understand your reaction, but when I'm telling you why it is bad, and how you can improve it, then I'm actually helping you. Or I was trying to, until you jumped on the worst of all possible arguments.

[Hospital Disaster]

sometimes you guys can just be so aggressively boring, you know that

[MBase]

Would you rather us be lethargically boring? Because we can do that.

[eighty]

There once was a vampire named Mabel
Whose periods were quite stable
So every full moon
she pulled out a spoon
And drank herself under the table

[Vicious]

Actually, I'm pretty sure he can criticize them, their flaws are pretty basic. It doesn't take a fantastic actor to spot a bad one.

More importantly, if you can't take constructive criticism you have absolutely no potential as a writer. So, you know, you should probably either learn how to do that, get out while you still have a miniscule shred of dignity left, or you could just sort of hang around awkwardly while everyone mocks you some more.

Actually if I'd have taken the advice of every person I've met I'd probably be in prison right now. I've learned to follow no one's advice but my own, although I do take advice when I think it should be taken. This is not one of those moments.

I'm really not the type to sell myself society.:wink:

[Nalfang]

Actually if I'd have taken the advice of every person I've met I'd probably be in prison right now. I've learned to follow no one's advice but my own, although I do take advice when I think it should be taken. This is not one of those moments.

I'm really not the type to sell myself society.:wink:

http://img2.imageshack.us/img2/8449/thisisaninsulttoourinte.jpg

This is an insult to our intelligence

[Gado]

Actually if I'd have taken the advice of every person I've met I'd probably be in prison right now. I've learned to follow no one's advice but my own, although I do take advice when I think it should be taken. This is not one of those moments.

I'm really not the type to sell myself society.:wink:

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b364/GadoTheLion999/vlc2009-06-2903-24-00-72.png

[Gado]

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b364/GadoTheLion999/vlc2009-06-2903-24-13-57.png

[Actinium]

http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b199/Actinium/takipoo1.jpg

[Nalfang]

rATftJiWdkw

It's funny because this guy is the mule.

And possibly the monkey.