Need A Star Wars Comic Critique

[Hyro]

How does this look?

Tell me what's good about it.

Tell me what sucks about it

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v626/Hyro/20050601.jpg

[Iheartwaffles!]

Star Wars? What's that?

[Micolithe]

Well, right off the bat I can tell you that it's the same frame three times in a row. Draw it again from different angles. Again and again. And again and again!

[Kash]

the graphics are good specially background and the joke is pretty good to.
But it looks like you just copy and pasted the same pic 3 times and made minor changes.

[Hyro]

Actually I have a kind of a bad habit of drawing the comic the very night before I'm supposed to update. SO I do the frame copies.

What can you tell me about the one frame that I DID draw?

[Geist Nasuro]

Well, its not really funny... at all actually.
Id recommend fitting that dialouge into the first two panels and then adding the a hilarious punchline in the third.

As for the art: Yeah, cloning the panel looks really bad, you could have at least changed a few things so its not so obvious

[Bailey]

If you did it the night before its posted, does it matter what we think? You're going to post it anyways because you don't have time to do it again.

However, I will concur on the point of making liberal use of various angles, especially ones that have dramatic and/or comedic effect with their proper use. But that just takes practice.

[Eddache]

to add to previous comments, ditch the sweatdrop in the last panel. this may just be my opinion, but those things are bloody stupid.

[Nathan]

the characters are drawn well, they look good against the background, maybe have greivous turning his back in one of the panels or something and add a better punchline in, maybe add another panel on the end with a punchline and with the characters in slightly different positions or something

i dunno, just my suggestions

[Hyro]

Thanks for the critiquing. I wasn't really planning on redoing this comic, just to find out what I shouldn't repeat next time I do a comic.

[Inu65]

I think you should retry this one and use a similar, if not the same, punchline, but what you have to do it make different angles, and before he says that he has acne or whatever, have it be a close up to the both of them like in battle scenes types of things, the little slit things, and at the end of that, have grievous just stare at the hologram and then the next one he just coughs or something... I dont know why, but I find the fact that he constantly coughs funny, yeah, he may be part human, or what ever, but that doesnt meen he should cough...

[Hyro]

I'm not going to redo this one, but I will do the angle thing in my next coic.

And by the way, he coughs because his lungs got force crushed in Clone Wars.

[Inu65]

Ohhh yeah... I forgot about that... Mace Windu did that... I watched that sooo many times and I never realized that thats why he coughs... wow I am slow...

[MrGoat]

Try to study up on the characters you draw, I dont like how Grievious looks.

[Nathan]

my idea

if every star wars character i attempted to draw hadnt come out like shit i would have done this myself

Panel 1:
S:Are Your . . .
G:COUGH
S: Orders . .
G:COUGH
S: clear?
G:COUGH . . .yes sir *cough* but i have a *cough* question to ask

Panel 2:
S:What is it?
G:Cough, Sir Why do you COUGH always Wear your COUGH hood?

Panel 3:
S:i have horible acne . . .
g:just stares

Panel 4:
G:COUGH
S WILL YOU STOP THAT ALREADY?


as you can see im not a writer

[Racknahm]

Writing:
How bout for the last line, "I frequently bob for fries, if you can see my predicament" or something to that extent.
Drawing:
Draw them but from different perspectives or just draw grievous taking a drag from a cigarette, also the anime sweat drop is overly cheesy, it'll just kill any joke it comes in contact with.